One from my "drafts" folder...

We originally did this on my bday, but it languished in my "drafts" folder, waiting for me to clean it up and make sense of it (well, as much sense as you *can* make of these things.) So it's kind of a blast from the past. But - hey! - at least it's something new to read now that she's forsaken her blog...



Today is your birthday! It was lots of fun things, and you opened your presents. And then? When I woke up? We ate cake! And then we took a nap and you put my dress on the dress rack and then you read me a story.

WE went shopping at market and bought a Snow White dress! And then we went to a party after I put it on. You were in a green dress and heart necklace and shoes, so you were Fiona. And we went to a party with lots of decorations and other different girls who were dancing and we were watching and I wanted to dance with my prince when they were dancing with their princes.

And Jonas is a ducky ducky ducky! Ducky ducky ducky! Ducky duck! He looked pretty cute! And we looked pretty! And smart! And funny! And everything. Except, for Daddy. He was just dressed in normal clothes and not a costume. (Does the lack of costume make him less smart and funny?)

And I cleaned the gate and gave a drink to the tree and the bushes. I got my shoes and my overalls all wet! (Ah - not party related at all. Joe and Jaynie played with the hose in the backyard.)


So, Twink - you wanna tell the blog about the vacation we went on? What kinds of things did you see? Did you see castles? Churches? What?

WE saw lots and lots of castles! They were very good, very princessy, and very cold inside.

So they painted way up there on the ceiling! They used wings! WINGS! They FLEW up to the ceiling to paint it! (She was obsessed with the painted ceilings in the churches. Convinced that the artists had grown wings to do them.)

And we went to a town full of treats! And I got one of those treats. I was a very, very, VERY good girl!


And your birthday cake is PINK! It's your favorite color! And I gave you 35 presents! 30 because that's how many birthdays you have, and 5 extra because you looooove presents.

I don't want to talk about anything else. What are you writing? Happy Birthday, Mommy. I love you lots and lots. I love you thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much. The end.

We're back! And Jaynie is full of blahbiddyblah goodness!


I played with Daddy very nicely. And YOU did NOTHING with Jonas. Sooooo.... my blog is what we did yesterday. We forgot it last morning! Cause we were skeezes! Like Daddy. He's a skeez. He's the skeeziest.

Bridget came over for a pajama party! We watched movies, and we played, and we read stories and then we took a nap. I want to have a pajama party again. Then her Mommy and Daddy were here and we said goodbye to them and then Daddy snuggled me.

Today we went to the NEX, the commissary, and to the library! We got some books. We bought a hippo at the NEX! I chomped it. Jonas got a hippo, too.

What else did we do? I don't know.

We bought hats and horns and plates and everything for my birthday! Blues Clues stuff!

And then after dinner I got a present! It was from Great Grams. It was lots of things! It was this headband! (a fairy hair wreath), and Dora gloves, and everything in the whole world! And Jonas got some hippos and a smiley face ball. And we played with the ball in the bathtub! It was fun! I was throwing it all around.

And we played and we played and we played in the bath.

And then? We are doing blog time. And then? We will put on pajamas. And then? We went to bed. That's my whole day. The end.

No entry tonight. I got a bad burn on my hand and absolutely cannot type fast enough to capture her blahblahblahiness. Plus? She got a 25 minute nap today (instead of the usual 90min - 2hours) and is turning into a pumpkin as we speak. I suspect most of the entry would be whining anyway, and who wants to record that for posterity?

Alright, Jayne. What happened today?

Well, you were at work. We went somewhere, to buy a hippo. We went to the N - E - X to buy a hippo!

So, then I was Sleeping Beauty, but we took off my dress so I could go to playgroup and I could lose it! So we have to leave it in the car so it won't get stolen, or messed up! That's why we leave it in the car. (Lately she wants to wear a sundress every day. I let her wear one over her jeans around the house, but I've convinced her that she could lose it or get it stolen or messed up if she wears it out in public. One day it'll occur to her to ask why the rest of her outfit isn't in any danger.)

Then, after we went to playgroup, we went to the library. And we checked out some brand new books. And I got a prize! I got some crayons and some masks and Mommy couldn't wait to color with them!

We made a beautiful wreath for you! I made it for Mommy and Jonas, except for myself. I made it for the whole family, and me. (and you? I thought you said "except you") Except me means with me!

And then I played in puddles! I had on my rain boots! We were outside. And my pants got all wet. And we went to the thrift store, and then we came home, ate lunch, and then took a nap.

After the nap I colored! I writed my name - Princess Jaynie - and then I colored myself! I colored a mask! A kitty-cat mask! And then I put it on, and then I crawled around and I was so pretty Daddy couldn't believe it. He said "Where my Jaynie is? I can only see a kitty-cat!" and then Daddy was a butterfly. He had butterfly wings and a butterfly mask! He flied around carrying me!

And then there were bubbles in my bath! They were fun! They were fun to wash with. They smelled like candy canes! And now I smell like a candy cane!

That's my whole day. Now, go to my blog and read it. Please Mommy? Go to my blog and read it! Your bow (plain hair elastic) looks very pretty, Mama. It's very pretty, Mama. Now just go to my blog, please? Please Mommy? Please please please please? (I loooove the combo of flattery and the word "please" to get what she wants. Such a smart Twinkie.)

Daddy! We played at the park with the worms!

I snuggled Mommy this morning, and when we woke up the lights were on and everything was happening - it.. was... DAY TIME! We started to get dressed because we were going to go somewhere and do lots of fun stuff! We had classes and I got stamps!

Bridget was there and I was hopping on the little brown thing that you hop on and that you walk on... the bead? That brown thing that you walk on is called the BEAD. (The balance beam. It was an open gymnastics class.)

And then we played and jumped and sat in a chair and got a stamp but now it's all gone. (The "instructor" stamped their hands -it was the only thing she did that I could see.) And we did the chicken dance! And then we went to the park and there were WORMS! The early bird gets the worm! A worm slithers on the floor like a snake. And it says buuh! buh! buuh! buuuuuh! And that kind of worm, is a special worm. The park was wet! And I got the wet butt! And belly. The ground was wet and I got the wet butt. I was going down the slide and it was wet and I got a little wet. And I went down the slide on my belly and my belly got wet. Jonas got all wet. His pants were all the way wet.

And then we went home. And Mommy's friend Venessa bought me another crown with purple three on the front and little jewels to make the top. I can wear it all the time, and I can share it with you (Daddy) because it's your favorite color! (He was, as always, thrilled to know he would be permitted to borrow one of her tiaras.)

And we had a bath bomb! And now we're doing naked playing. And I spelled short! I spelled it for you, but I don't know how to spell it anymore. (Joe: S...H...) O, R, T!!!!!

(Jaynie looks at Joe, who is shirtless and says...)Ooh! A traveling gun show!

I'm all done. That's my whole day. It's time to go right to sleep. (Yeah, right.)

Ok, I would like to talk.

Well alright! Talk away, sister!

Daddy? How was your day? (My day was good, how was your day? What did you play today?)

I played but I was a little sad. I wanted you to come home but you weren't home and I was sad.

(Well, surely you weren't sad all day. Did you do anything fun? Did you go anywhere?)
I went to the library! And we saw Ms. Christine! And we did something very fun. We had a gluing test! But we skipped the story time because we were late AGAIN! Because the library always starts at zero-o-clock, and it's eight-o-clock right now! thats why we missed stories. But I was ok. We got lots of stories from the library to bring home. We spent so much time at the library that the thrift store was closed. We wanted to go to the thrift store but we didn't say anything to each other and then when we wanted to go, it was closed. I wanted some new books, but it was closed.

Daddy, today I loved you but I did NOTHING with you. I don't love you when you're at work. Because you are at work and just because. (Well, Jaynie, I still love you when I'm at work.) Well - I don't want your love even when I'm at work. (You don't want my love? Wait - where do you work?) I just work at home with all my fun stuff. My fun stuff AND my boring stuff. That's my work.

(Ok, so you went to the library with Mommy. Did you go anywhere else? Did you buy anything at the store?) I got cookies because I was a good girl! Ms. Becky gave me two, and then I had another in the car and that was three! And now the cookies are all gone. (This is a bit of an exaggeration, but good to know when you hand the Twink a broken piece of a cookie she considers it a whole one. She got one cookie, total.)

I got a ride on a donkey! Bridget took a ride on the car, and then I took the car and it had no quarters in it and Bridget went on the donkey.

Bridget and me ate cookies and we played at the park. We did good sharing.

It was so good that we even did not jump in the cart! We stood up but Bridget's Mommy told her to sit down because I got a boo-boo and Mommy was worried about Bridget getting a boo-boo, too. But she had a boo-boo on her forehead.

Jonas was there and he was losing it. (Losing what?)He was losing his patience. (Oh yeah? What exactly is patience?) Patience means little things in your belly. (What are they doing in your belly?) They don't do anything, that's just where they are. They're just patience. Jonas was losing his patience, so they would go up to his side, and up to his knees, and out to his foot, and up to his head - that's where they would go. He lost them. But now they're back in his belly.

And that's how my day was. Now I'm going to tell a story of how you play with me so much that Jonas wants to play with me too...

Once I was running through the woods, and Jonas got tree branches and garbage all over his hands! So we wiped of his hands and we went home. And we popped the binky in his mouth and he went right to sleep and I was all alone watching tv. Princess Jaynie was walking through the woods all by herself... but with her Daddy. Her Daddy was very polite to her he said thank you and excuse me and you're welcome and please. He was so polite. He said "Jaynie? How do you slide?" and I will show you. You will love it when you go on your belly You love it love it love it! Love it love it love it! Love love loooooove it! (This deteriorated into her singing "love it!" and dancing around the room. Joe, Jonas, and I just sat back and watched. She gets a little nuts around bedtime.)

Then we slide backwards. We slide backward while closing our eyes. and we were shooing and shooing and then we were squealing like little pigs! But two little pigs not three little pigs. But then you (Jonas) came in and you (me) came in and there were four little pigs. And then Grandma came in March and there were five little pigs. Cause she was pretending to be a little pig, too.

You and me and Jonas and Mommy were looking through the woods. Mommy was holding Jonas cause he was trying to run around and Mommy keeps him safe. Mommy is the boss of Jonas and he was her little pig. Jonas was crawling, and rocking, and swinging, and yelling.

The opposite of hot is cold. The opposite of fast is big. No, actually the opposite of fast is slow. The opposite of big is fat. The opposite of yummy is yucky. Quiet... um... LOUD!

Um, now I will fall right to sleep. WITH NO PEE PEES!

I'm a big girl, but Mommy is the BIGGEST GIRL IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD! Look at the size of her! She has the biggest butt in the whole wide world! Her butt is HOT! I love her big butt! (I should get some kind of medal for actually transcribing this and posting it on the internet. I hope you people appreciate what I do for you.)

Once I was a princess, and Mommy and Daddy and Jonas and Grandma and Grandpa and all my friends - Riley and Ms. Sally.... We were in ARKANSAS! Last morning. When we lived in Arkansas. In the United States.

But then we went to Italy, where there are lots of castles for me to be princesses. I like this house in Italy. I like this house more than the Arkansas house. I love all my toys and the house in Italy. And I love you, Mommy, Jonas, and myself. I love Mommy the most. Because of her big, fat, butt. I love her. BUTT BUTT BUTT!

Actually, I love you Daddy. I love you Mommy. I love you Jonas. I love the whole family. But mostly? Just myself.


(Ok, now THIS is what this blog is about! Really giving you people a glimpse into the total Jaynie BlahBlahBlah experience. If only I could get her to stop talking about my butt....)

So, what did you do first this morning when you woke up?

I came to find you guys. Because I wanted to tell you... that I didn't go pee pees in my bed! 3 nights in a row! I got a Little Mermaid blanket for 2 nights, and now I did 3. What's my prize for 3 nights?

Um, your prize was the candy I gave you when we got up. Speaking of getting up, what was on the clock when you came to find us this morning?

There was a 5 on the clock when I came looking for you. That's too early. There's supposed to be a 7. But I came to find you and get a treat.

And then we snuggled and went back to sleep. I loved that. What happened when there was a 7 on the clock and we woke up?

When I woke up Daddy was not home and I was sad. Because he wasn't here and I wanted to play with him. So I went in my room to cry. But then I played with my stuff instead. I played with all my other toys and not Daddy.

When Daddy got home I said YAY! We played and then we ate dinner and I will go right to sleep.

(You like how the entire day with me means nothing? She skips right from Daddy not being here to Daddy getting home? Nice.)


Mommy's room has boring shoes in it. But sometimes I wear her blue shoes. They have sparkly all over them. They are pretty enough for me! But they are waaaaaaay too big. (Not only do I practically not exist, but my shoes are boring. I get no respect at all.)

The two ways I can stay out of time out is to tell the truth and be a good listener. I'm never going to time out again! I'm so excited! I would love to not be in time out again! I would love it!


Here are some nonscent panties. (What panties?) NON-SCENT. (Nonsense?) NON SCENT! (Non-scent panties? What does non-scent mean?) It means beautiful. Because look! They are princess panties! (Two languages are not enough for her - she has to make up her own as well.)

Jaynie! Do you want to tell the blog about how you woke up dry again today?

Nope.

No? You don't want to blog how there were no pee pees in your bed for two days?

No.

What about the special present you got? You want me to write about the Little Mermaid blanket we gave you because we were sooooooo proud that you put your pee pee's in the potty instead of in your panties?

No, Mommy.

Jaynie - people will want to know! They might want to send you presents or something.

Then you do it, Mommy. You tell them. I'm going to go play.




(Sigh.)

Ok, Sister. Start talking!

We went shopping for glue. I got a shirt that had ballet slippers on it. I got a ballet shirt for me to go to ballet! And we bought a cookie because I was a good listener. I don't want Daddy to be the beast, the hairy beast. Um.... Jonas plays with his house, but he was a little sad. Something was starving! Up from the thing!

Ok, Jaynie - this is all nonsense. How about you tell me the story of making the Valentine cards?

First we glued the big hearts on the front. We sticked them on and got them all decorated.

And I made NO PEE PEES in my bed again! I'm a big girl! With DRY panties!





(At first this was such a fun thing - she loved "blogging". Now I can't get her her to sit still for the 10 minutes it takes. I can tell you this - we (just me and her) went shopping this morning and had a blast. No boys, just girl shopping! Mommy and Jaynie! Spending Daddy's money! Yay! We browsed through the clearance racks and both of us got a new outfit. We looked at ridiculous shoes, bought craft supplies and cookies. We played guessing games and talked about everything and just had a great time. Then, in the afternoon, I introduced her to the joy of gluing macaroni to posterboard. Holy cow - what a thrill! It was a fantastic day for the Twink and her Mom. )

I got a cookie this morning! And I made purple play doh. Daddy is very nice to me. He thinks I'm his wife.

I got the cookie because of NO PEE PEES! I didn't go pee pees in my bed at all!

I'm a little sad. Last morning I put the shoe on the wrong foot and I wanted it to stay on the wrong foot. Stay starts with ssssss, sssss, S! I woke up and said to Daddy, "Daddy! I have pee pees in my butt!" and I did not have pee pees in my panties. I was just nice and dry.

Last morning we went shopping and bought pj's for me! They fit me when I'm a four year old.

I made animals for all of my friends. This star is for PaGuy, the seahorse is for Grandma and Grandpa Vic - to share, this right here (turtle) is for someone else, this right here (penguin) is for me. It's a sheep. (It's a penguin, I swear.) That right there (the anatomically correct gingerbread man - see my other blog) is for Mema and Pepa. That right there (chick) is for Aunty Suz, and that right there (unidentifiable blob) is for you! (Gee, thanks. We're talking about play doh creations here - she's leaving them out to harden so they can be "presents for all her friends".)

I watched Little Mermaid. And I watched Elmo with Jonas! He loves it! That Elmo really cracks him up!

I have nothing else to talk about Mommy. Nuffin. (I might start telling her I'm "blogging" when I'm really trying to do email. It seems to shut her right up.)

So, kiddo, you wanna tell me about yesterday?

No.

No? C'mon! What fun things did we do yesterday?

Nothing. Nothing fun. Yesterday was just pretty boring, Mommy.




(She actually has a point. Guess they're not all blog-worthy.)